Friday, September 14, 2007

Advice needed

Ok bloggy mommas, here's one for you:

Our dear "widdle" Ellie is into the talking back stage. With Josh, we defined talking back to him, he understood, if we called him on it, he said he was sorry, and we moved on. (yes, he is an angel). Not so with our Elle Belle. The problem I have is that even though she talks back, she still actually does what I've asked her to do. Here's an example:

Ellie walks in with two pieces of paper and a permanent marker. Mom takes note of marker and her desire to color and says if she would like to draw that she needs to put the marker back and find a pencil. An emphatic "NO!" flies out of our dear child's mouth and then she leaves. She comes back with a pencil and sits down to write.

SO...Do I call her out on the talking back because it is disrespectful? Or do I bask in the joy that she actually listened? Looking for ideas on what you all have done with the all-too-fun stage of talking back. Waiting on wisdom...!


emilymcd said...

Mmmm... That's a tough one. It's got some gray area.

If I were in that situation, I might let her color a minute and then say, "You know (child's name), you really hurt my feelings when you yelled at me. We don't yell at each other. It's really important to listen to Mommy because I want good things for you." And then I might joke about how she would look like a scribble paper if she got that color on herself.

However, if I sensed that the "no" blasts were becoming a pattern, I would give a consistent and immediate time out each time. Show her how to appeal to you ("May I please use the marker?") and then brace yourself for that battle for a while.

Lately my daughter has reverted to screaming as well and we're going through a similar situation. Dan and I have taken up drinking.

And yes, I'm kidding.

Short Stop said...

Wow...that's a really tough one. How wonderful that she actually obeys!

I am speaking from the trenches, but perhaps separating the "talking back" from the obedience...making them two different acts all together, and addressing them separately.

On a side note, we try to deal mostly with the heart...what is the heart behind everything they say and do? For it's there that the battles are really won!

Sittintall said...

Wow, that is a tough one, and one that I'm sure I will have to deal with Katie in time to (seeing as how after I tell her to put her "bottle" down nicely on the table after she takes a sip, she slams it on the floor).

I would definitely commend her for obeying in the end, and then like Emily says maybe a few minutes into it talk about not yelling.

Of course who knows what I would actually do when in the moment.

Momma Roar said...

I have no wisdom - because I'm having the same issues - what is it with our second child? Hey, we both have boy-girl-boy and our girls share the same name...What is it with these girls? Is it a girl thing or a second child thing?

Please share the wisdom you do get so I know what to do with my Elle belly!

Kris said...

You gals are great! I really liked all that you have said and I think we will be taking pieces of each of your advice! Thanks for being so willing to share!

Mary@notbefore7 said...


Looks like you have had some great advice on this one. I can tell you we have gone through this with K when she was 3ish (and still even now). She would stomp her foot or shake her fist, but still obey.

Like most people mentioned, we do discipline for attitude. At the younger age, we talked about "having a happy heart" and sending her to her room for a time out.

Now we have studied the fruits of the spirit and talk about self-control. When anyone in the house raises their voice or makes attitude signals with their body, I remind them that we are to show self-control in our voice and body and we try again to express what we want with self-control.

I hope something here helps, though it seems you have gotten a lot of this :)

Good luck! Since I am late on posting from being away - how is it going?

Kris said...

Thanks for all the goodies ladies..we're trying a few of them. I like the ideas that you have shared! There's nothing like having a network of great moms ready to help! We are trying to find the right words that will let her know that she needs to show respect for mom, etc. I think we might use some of the "heart" comments that Sarah and Mary have shared! Thanks again!


BethAnne said...

I always call my kids on being disrespectful. Usually I make them repeat a Bible verse 30 times when they do something wrong>>>>for instance talking back would require saying "Honor you father and mother" 30 times. Lying means saying "Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who deal truthfully are His delight" 30 times (for my 6 yr old) my 3 yr old would say "Thou shall not lie" 30 times.
Just what we do at our house.........nice blog!