Thursday, August 14, 2008

Letting Go

I was brave.

It was even my idea.

It might have come from a momentary feeling of confidence or finally resting in knowledge of the Lord's hand on all things, but I let him go.

All the way. Around. The block. On his bike.

By himself.

When I first mentioned it to him, his little six and a half year old eyes looked confused. As the reality of what I suggested sunk in, his eyes went from confused to confident to excited.

As he geared up with his helmet, I tried to remind him of some safety issues without sounding like a maniac. My mind's eye pictured myself running to the backyard as soon as he left to watch him appear between the neighbor's houses, checking to see if he was making it. I heard myself saying things like, "Watch for cars backing out of their driveways, you don't need to say 'hi' to anyone, if someone stops to ask you a question, just keep going..." as he already started to head down the driveway. I was following him. Still talking.

"Are you ready?"

"Yep." I said.

"See you in a couple of minutes, Mom." He looked back at me with a confident smile before he set off on his little journey. That picture will have to be kept in my mother's heart.

Of course I parked myself in the driveway determined not to panic if the time seemed a bit longer than I anticipate, not to try to see him through the houses behind us, and not to let on to anyone that I had just reached a milestone of my own.

As his blue helmet head came around the corner, I sighed with relief. He'd made it. I really didn't doubt it, but somewhere in my "logical" thinking, I could see that the one time I allow him to venture out on his own...that's when something would happen. But it didn't, and the smile on his face as he arrived back home was the incentive that I needed to know it would be ok.

He's been around the block at least one more time since then. He tells me when he plans on going, so I can watch (stand guard) for his return.

Oh, the parallels I could make between this event and the beginning of the school year.

So, I did it. And so did he.

We both did it.


andrea said...

Something tells me this is the first or many more "letting go" moments in his life! :)

Good for both of you!

Sittintall said...

What a brave mama! Baby steps, baby steps.

emilymcd said...

Okay... that was totally brave. You're the bravest girl I know. That must have been so difficult.

I don't know if I'll ever let Morgan go around the block... even if she's 16. Ugh.

Short Stop said...

Crying. Really.

So, there is hope for me...that one day, I'll be able to let Jack do that. I can't even begin to imagine it now. Letting him walk through the door to pre-K this fall is about as far as I can let him go right now.

Love Sarah's comment. Yep, baby steps.

Buckeyemama said...

In each small way that you let go, you are helping him to become the wonderfully independant, confident man that you want him to be. You're an incredible mother for putting your own needs and fears aside and doing the best for him! Way to go, Josh. Way to go, Kris!

Dave and Jenni said...

Oh I am dreading these moments. I do believe the courage will come when I need it, but I'm thankful I have a few more years to prepare myself.

Well done, brave Mom, well done!