One of Owen's new favorite things to do is look at himself in the mirror. It has been a blast to hold him in front of the mirror and watch him smile at himself, furrow his brow at seeing his limbs flail about, and then find me and give another big grin.
One thing struck me as we were spending some time in front of the mirror the other day. I really looked at myself. Now, if you're a mom of little ones you know that you have about 2.2 minutes to check yourself over for spitup on the shoulder or residual toothpaste (theirs', not yours) before you are off in the next direction. So, spending a few minutes just "checking myself out" was a bit of a shocker. Take away the fact that I know these last 10 lbs of baby weight will take a while to get rid of...(sigh)...I still looked older. It's kind of like when you get a chance to step back and "see" yourself from far away, you are not sure you recognize yourself. I'm now a mom...of three. I'm still a teacher, but more seasoned. I'm a wife, but not as youthful-looking as our wedding photos boast.
Beyond those physical observations I made, I saw something else. It was me...as a mom. Again, you don't always see yourself as others see you, so I took some time. I looked at Owen's face and then mine. I remember doing this with the other kids, too, looking for the resemblance in their features and mine. Josh had my nose and eyes, Ellie had my eyes and smile. Owen has my lips and that's about it. He is truly his own person. I saw myself holding him and smiling. It's a bit surreal when you try to think back...is this who I thought I would be? Am I who I thought I would be, at this age and stage?
Thank God that He is in control. I would have really messed things up and been looking at something else, if HE wasn't the one holding the reigns to our wild ride. I'm glad I've taken some time to reflect on what I see in the mirror. Mostly, because it shows me where I've been, but also what I've become. Now, if I can only get it to tell me what happens in the future...Ahh, again, Thank God he is in control.